Sometimes I like to reflect on just how far mankind has come. One day, humans are living in caves. The next day, they're inventing pornography. And the next day, they create a way for people from all times and places to interact with another. It truly astounds me.
The women I have met online fascinate and sadden me. So many of them who have never heard of my name before. So many who have been deprived of the Zapper all their lives! My mission is set. I must get to healing these unfortunate women...heal them the way only Zapp Brannigan knows how! Take heart, ladies! For I have a doctrine...in love.
Third Person:
Zapp Brannigan walked onto the command deck of the Nimbus. Arms behind his back, he walked toward his young lieutenant, Kif Kroker. He gave Kif one of his usual glares, to indicate that he was in a serious mood.
"Kif! Has the new supercomputer been successfully installed yet?" Zapp asked loudly.
"We're still attempting to hook it up, sir." Kif replied, "But we're running into complications. Perhaps this model isn't compatible with the Nimbus' system."
"Once again, Kif, you show how little you know!" Zapp scoffed, "All supercomputers are made in compatibility with the Nimbus. To be used aboard my ship is the highest honor a supercomputer could ask for! Why wouldn't it make itself compatible?"
Zapp turned his back to Kip, but continued talking.
"Just as the greatest wish of all women is to make themselves compatible with me, the greatest wish of all computers is to make themselves compatible with my ship! It's common logic."
Kif sighed. "Yes, sir." he said wearily.
"Good!" Zapp replied, turning back around to face Kif, "Then back it at!"
Zapp started to walk away, then stopped and faced Kif once more.
"And bear this in mind: at the heart of all the complicated mechanics of the most complicated process, all you have to do is stick the extension cord into that little hole. If need be, stick it in and out until you're satisfied with the results and the power is on. Trying to set up this computer is a very similar process."
And with that, Zapp Brannigan retired to his quarters.
2/2
[Audio]
Captain's Journal. Stardate: July 17.
Sometimes I like to reflect on just how far mankind has come. One day, humans are living in caves. The next day, they're inventing pornography. And the next day, they create a way for people from all times and places to interact with another. It truly astounds me.
The women I have met online fascinate and sadden me. So many of them who have never heard of my name before. So many who have been deprived of the Zapper all their lives! My mission is set. I must get to healing these unfortunate women...heal them the way only Zapp Brannigan knows how! Take heart, ladies! For I have a doctrine...in love.
Third Person:
Zapp Brannigan walked onto the command deck of the Nimbus. Arms behind his back, he walked toward his young lieutenant, Kif Kroker. He gave Kif one of his usual glares, to indicate that he was in a serious mood.
"Kif! Has the new supercomputer been successfully installed yet?" Zapp asked loudly.
"We're still attempting to hook it up, sir." Kif replied, "But we're running into complications. Perhaps this model isn't compatible with the Nimbus' system."
"Once again, Kif, you show how little you know!" Zapp scoffed, "All supercomputers are made in compatibility with the Nimbus. To be used aboard my ship is the highest honor a supercomputer could ask for! Why wouldn't it make itself compatible?"
Zapp turned his back to Kip, but continued talking.
"Just as the greatest wish of all women is to make themselves compatible with me, the greatest wish of all computers is to make themselves compatible with my ship! It's common logic."
Kif sighed. "Yes, sir." he said wearily.
"Good!" Zapp replied, turning back around to face Kif, "Then back it at!"
Zapp started to walk away, then stopped and faced Kif once more.
"And bear this in mind: at the heart of all the complicated mechanics of the most complicated process, all you have to do is stick the extension cord into that little hole. If need be, stick it in and out until you're satisfied with the results and the power is on. Trying to set up this computer is a very similar process."
And with that, Zapp Brannigan retired to his quarters.