APPLICATIONS | 2012; 01

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Moist von Lipwig | Discworld | Not Reserved

[thekidsare0kay]

Player nickname: Cnd
Player DW: chichirinoda
Way to contact you:
Email: chichirinoda@gmail.com
AIM: hellbreakercnd
Plurk: Chichirindoa
Are you at least 15?: Y
Current Characters: Sollux Captor, Jake English

Character: Moist von Lipwig aka Albert Spangler et. al.
Fandom: Discworld

Character Notes:
History:

Moist was born in Lipwig, Uberwald, to parents who apparently really suck at naming their children. Little is known about his early life, though he apparently did spend a lot of time around the hunting dogs who come from that part of Uberwald, and also lived through some very turbulent times in his country's history, forcing him to learn to survive by whatever means he could.

During this period, he became a conman, at one time working with a man named Cribbins, who taught him everything he (meaning Cribbins) knew. Moist didn't much appreciate many of these lessons, as he felt that Cribbins was an unnecessarily brutal criminal, and Moist tried hard to forget a lot of what he 'learned' during this period.

Moist's big advantage in life is his forgettable face. He's very skilled at making himself impossible to describe to law enforcement, by means of adding features to what would otherwise be an unmemorable visage - adding glasses or a moustache and other features gives people something to point out and describe, and when he takes them off again, he can easily blend into a crowd and disappear.

He uses this, and a natural charisma and intelligence, to swindle greedy people out of their money, ultimately amassing a fortune in excess of 150,000 AM (Ankh-Morpork dollars). Then he gets caught, hanged, and pressed into civil service under his real name, much to his chagrin. He is first tasked with reviving the Ankh Morpork Postal Service, something he does with great success, inventing stamps, investing his entire fortune into the effort, and ultimately exposing the fraud committed by the owners of the Clacks company, thereby giving Lord Vetinari the ability to bring the Clacks under government control. During this period, he meets Adora Belle Dearheart, and begins to court her. He also wears a gold suit, and a hat with wings on it.

Once he's brought the Postal Service under his wing - so to speak - things start to get boring for him, so Vetinari gives him another task - fixing the Ankh Morpork Royal Bank and the Royal Mint. As a former bank robber, he is apparently perfectly suited to this task. He refuses, but ends up roped into it anyway, via a dead old lady who left the damn thing to him. He manages to invent paper money, and saves the Ankh Morpork economy from the greedy Lavish family.

From hints left at the end of this book, he's supposed to fix the taxation system next.

Personality:

Moist is a thrill junkie, but also a good-hearted and non-violent person. He turned to running cons because he loved the adrenaline rush, but prided himself on only swindling people who were trying to swindle him, and on never carrying a weapon or hurting anyone. One thing he learned in Going Postal was that he had, in fact, actually harmed and even killed people, in an indirect manner. This realization is something he initially dismisses as not being his fault, but which affects him deeply. He's literally terrified just holding a weapon, as it raises the stakes - he prefers to avoid violence and to talk himself out of situations wherever possible, or simply to run if talking doesn't work.

Talking usually works.

Despite being physically unremarkable (though generally handsome) Moist is very charming and skilled at getting people to like him. People gravitate towards him instantly, and he's a showman, knowing how to work a crowd, how to get a laugh. If people are laughing, they're not paying attention to what you're really doing. If you can direct their attention over here, they won't see the queen you palmed over there.

Though his real skill is his words, Moist is also a skilled lockpick, pick pocket, and forger. Though he cares for people and eventually accepts his path on the straight and narrow, he can never truly leave his criminal nature behind. He steals Drumknott's pencils, basically because he can, and when Adora Belle isn't around to distract him, he breaks into his own post office, just because he's so bored it seems more interesting than going in through the door.

Other: I'll be initially introducing Moist as Albert Spangler, while he's in Ankh Morpork conducting various confidence scams. My plan is to play through him being captured and thrown in the Tanty, then to BUY A RENAME TOKEN and reintroduce him as Moist under a different journal name. Yup.
Additional Links: Wiki page

First Person (entry type):

[The video turns on, at first showing a far too clear view of Albert Spangler's nose, then pulling back to show him looking a lot more scruffy than normal - his hair unkempt and his moustache and beard full and untamed. He smiles sheepishly at the screen]

Oh…kay, uh, is this working? I finally managed to bribe Bintworth - Ah, I mean persuade that fine upstanding gentleman - to give me one of my personal effects. And by that, I mean that I got him to give me back my journal so I could contact the community, and in return I gave him a few hints to the location of my stash - which actually doesn't exist, and even if it did, I wouldn't tell him where it was.

All of this leading up to say that I'd really like to get out of here before he figures it out.

[He draws a breath, and lets it out, tilting the journal to show a view of his dank, dark cell.]

I've run into a spot of trouble, which is why you've all been deprived of my presence lately. Sorry about that - who knew there was a werewolf in the Watch, eh? [He smiles hopefully] So I was wondering, would anyone be willing and/or able to get me out of here? A little worldhop wouldn't go unrewarded with my undying gratitude. [He lowers his voice to a conspiratorial whisper] And maybe even heaps and heaps of gold.

Or failing that--

[He holds up a spoon - or what once might have been called a spoon. It's now about half a spoon, mostly just the part that isn't…spoony] Could someone at least spot me a new spoon? When I get out, I'll buy you ten more to replace it, I promise.

Third Person:

Moist grabbed a milk crate and turned it over, then jumped atop it, giving a whirl of his arms that was half dramatics, half attracting the attention of the wandering audience that was Ankh Morpork, and half trying to catch his balance - the cobbles weren't perfectly level in the street right outside the post office.

Once he'd caught his balance, he doffed his winged hat and took a bow, adding another flourish. When he straightened, he had produced the sheet of stamps.

"Special edition, Unseen University Tower of Art stamps - now with octarine ink!" The ink, which was the special eighth colour - that of magic - made it nearly impossible to be forged. Moist had tried, and he had never been able to reproduce the green/purple shade. "I promise these will be collector's items. One dollar each - enough to get your letter to Uberwald."

Several people stood around, simply waiting for the show to get better. Most people couldn't really afford a whole dollar for a letter. But even so, a number stepped forward, digging around for big gold dollar coins to buy the stamps. Moist jumped down and began tearing off stamps, handing out stamps as the crowd grew. As he did so, he felt a spark jump between his fingers and the paper, and he had to suppress a yelp.

Maybe it was a good idea not to keep too many of these stamps in one place. Who knew what might happen?

App Withdrawn

[thekidsare0kay]