APPLICATIONS -- 2010; 001

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Hatter [Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland]

[muchtoocrowded.livejournal.com]

First Person (Entry Style):

I should have realized Alice would want to know what the Red Queen did. She doesn’t know it yet, but I have great faith that she knows she’s not dreaming. She recognizes this. She cares about Underland, as she ought to, because Underland cares about her.

I get lost as I explain the story to her, crouched in the burnt out ashes of what used to be the home of the Hightopp Clan. My clan. We don’t speak of that day anymore, but Alice has a right to know. She’s one of us, after all. She has been since she first came to us.

I’m not seeing Alice anymore. Not her or the ruins around us. Once again, I find myself trapped in my own mind. This happens more and more now. I can’t escape the horrifying flashback; the panic, terror, fear, and the crushing weight of loss are pressing in on me from all sides. I want to scream but now I’m choking on it, choking on my madness and what it has turned me into.
I hear her calling my name and flounder back to the surface of reality, taking a deep shaky breath before focusing back in on the tiny Alice perched on the rock, watching me with concern.

“I’m fine,” I croak out, but she shakes her head.

“Are you?” she asks.

Sweet, sweet little Alice. I want to answer but I have nothing to say. I can’t explain my insanity to her, though she’s the first to ask. But she’s right. I am very, very, very not fine.